Beetlejuice movie dialogue

Beetlejuice

• Let's turn on the juice and see what shakes loose.

• Hey, these aren't my rules! Come to think of it, I don't have any rules!

• I'm the ghost with the most, babe.

• YOU BUNCHA LOSERS!!! YOU'RE WORKING WITH A PROFESSIONAL HERE!!! [kicks over a tree; quietly observes it for a moment] NICE FUCKING MODEL!!!

• And that, is why I won't do two shows a night anymore babe, I won't.

• We come for your daughter, Chuck.

• Nobody says the "B" word.

• It's showtime.

• I've seen The Exorcist about 167 times, AND IT KEEPS GETTING FUNNIER EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE IT! NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT YOU'RE TALKING TO A DEAD GUY! NOW WHAT DO YOU THINK?! You think I'm qualified?

• I'll eat anything you want me to eat, I'll swallow anything you want me to swallow, so come on down and I'll... Chew on a dog! (howls)

Lydia

• [About her stepmother, Delia] She's sleeping with Prince Valium tonight.

• My whole life is a dark room. [Slowly, for effect] One. Big. Dark. Room.

Delia

• I will live with you in this hellhole, but I must express myself. If you don't let me gut out this house and make it my own, I will go insane and I will take you with me!

Otho

• Don't mind her. She's still upset that someone dropped a house on her sister.

Dialogue

Delia: I can't believe we're eating Cantonese. Is there no Szechuan up here?

Lydia: I plan to have a stroke from the amount of MSG that's in this food.

Delia: This is our first meal in this house, so why don't we all do our little private parts to make it a pleasant one.

Charles: Don't bait your mother, Pumpkin. As soon as we get settled, we'll build you a darkroom in the basement.

Lydia: My whole life is a darkroom. One... big... dark... room.

Delia: So you were miserable in the city, and now you're going to be miserable out here in the sticks. At least someone's life hasn't been upheaved.

---

Adam: What are your qualifications?

Betelgeuse: [refined voice] Ah, well... I attended Julliard... I'm a graduate of the Harvard Business School. I travel quite extensively. I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that. [getting progressively more demented] I've seen The Exorcist about 167 times, and it keeps getting funnier every single time I see it! Not to mention the fact that you're talking to adead guy! Now what do you think?! You think I'm "qualified"?

Adam: No, what I meant is, can you be scary?

Betelgeuse: Whaddaya think of this?

(shows a hideous face to the Maitlands that only shows several tentacles from the sides to audience; both Adam and Barbara scream)

Betelgeuse: [back to normal] You like it?

---

Dumb Football Player #1: Coach? Coach, where's the men's room?

Juno: I'm not your coach! He survived.

Dumb Football Player #2: Wait, Coach. Let me get something straight. What's our curfew around here?

Juno: Will you get out of here?!? Go on, get downstairs! "Men's room" - are you kidding? Can't you read signs?

[they come back into the office later]

Dumbest Football Player: Coach?

Juno: What?

Dumbest Football Player: I don't think we survived that crash.

Juno: How did you guess?